Do you ever feel protective of your relationship—as if someone else is out to get your man (or woman)? You may be overly cautious. Or you may just be reacting normally. “Mate poachers” exist. And Dr. David Buss, author of “The Dangerous Passion,” says we’ve psychological adapted to defend ourselves against such threats.
First, is your partner your equal?
Determine their mate value: how desirable is this person on the mating market? Think about anything from looks to social status.
When a couple pairs up they tend to have approximately similar mating values but discrepancies do develop over time.
“If one gets a big promotion at work, they could increase their mate value by virtue of the position. The lower mate value person tends to be most jealous as statistically, it’s more likely for the higher mate value person either having an affair or terminating the relationship,” says Buss.
Then, identify the nature of the threat
According to Buss, men and women are equally jealous but differ in the nature of their emotion, “for a man the sexual aspect of an infidelity poses a threat as it casts a doubt over their paternity certainty.”
Furthermore, “men place a greater premium on physical attractiveness in potential mates so when women see their man in a sexually charged interaction with a physically more attractive woman, that can drive a women crazy.” Online relationships and even the regular use of porn also trigger jealousy in a woman.
Men get more jealous if their rivals are higher in status, higher in or physically stronger.
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“Women enhance their physical appearance as a mate protection tactic whereas men redouble their efforts to fulfill their partners’ desires,” says Bass.
On the flip side, “men are more physically reactive and more likely to get drunk or commit crimes of passion than women,” says Buss.
But can jealousy be so blinding it causes us to kill the one we love? That it pushes us to kill is doubtful, but what is it in men that can bring out this deadly rage?
“Men are more likely to get drunk and can resort to violence to deter infidelity or preserve his reputation and not lose his status as a result of it. Crimes of passion occur when things go one step too far. It’s rare for women to fall into a jealous rage, they are more likely to kill in self-defense if threatened by a man or after a prolonged physical violence,” he adds.
Jealousy as a symbol of love and commitment
No one wants to be with someone no one else wants. Seeing other people interested in your partner increases your perceptions of how desirable they are.
“In this sense, jealousy can be healthy, especially early in the early stages of a relationship. Women sometimes intentionally evoke jealousy in their partner (men do too but women do it more) to determine how committed and in love he is or to increase the perception of how desirable she is and increase his commitment to her,” he explains.
Stick to your mate value equal and hopefully you can avoid a “Basic Instinct 3.”
The most outrageous jealousy cases:
Playmate
DorothY Stratten
Hugh Hefner’s protégée was killed by her husband Paul Snider when he found out she was leaving him for film director Peter Bogdanovich.
NASA Astronaut Lisa Marie Nowak
After a 950-mile, 12 hour journey (wearing an adult nappy to avoid bathroom breaks), Nowak confronted love rival Colleen Shipman armed with a BB gun and pepper spray.
Singer Bertrand Cantat
The lead singer of French rock band ‘Noir Desir’ was jailed for killing his girlfriend, acress Marie Trintignant, after a drug fuelled argument.
American FootbalL Star OJ Simpson
Although found ‘not guilty’, Simpson was suspected of murdering his ex wife Nicole Brown.
SIDES:
How men can make Valentine’s Night a success buy her a card, you don’t have to be a poet to be a great lover indulge in 20 minutes or more of foreplay instead of jumping straight to sex. Start with a foot massage and move up the body.
Good manners apply to the bedroom. Make sure she has an orgasm before you do. When you please her in the bedroom, repeat, repeat and repeat. John Gray, author of ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, www.marsvenus.com
quote:
“You’re talking and you don’t agree on something, and then you’re like, ‘Oh, be quiet!’”
Jennifer Lopez on how her and her soon to be (ex) husband, Mark Anthony, deal with working together, on David Letterman
Stat:
30 minutes of sex can burn off more than 80 calories. Surely it’s the best consequence of fighting with your lover. Say yes to make up sex. american association oF sexuality educators
